Another week and I am again late. I have been adding some thickening to Clan Terakian. With luck, I will reproduce it on Lucasforums.

But let's get to the matter as planned...

From Fanfiction.net we start with arutka2000's
The Man then one of the two that tied for Best of the Week with InunotaishoandTheMikoSisters'
Only the Strongest Jedi Dare To Love

Over at kotorfanmedia we have Darth Ramsis finally getting a Pick of the Week for Kreia Revisited (Second Draft) another reprise pick for Darth Chris and Dark Birthright Atris finds love in Shara's Melting the Ice and Trillian4210 shares the best for It's the Thought that Counts

Well I have some paying writing and one of my fallow stories to work on.

Signing off...

Coruscant Entertainment Center

Dragon age II: Forbidden wish
Revan sama

NSW; Dragon's Age: Exploring forbidden love

You used the wrong word or tense several times. In the first paragraph alone you have linger instead of lingers, and married instead of marry. This is an editing problem.

As for the subject matter. Admittedly, a child knows no better. A girl might aspire to an older brother as her husband, and the brother might aspire to the same. But that does not make it right. However there was no actions that were incorrect, only thoughts.

Forlorn Casualty to Despondent Reminisce
The_Catto

Post TSL: The rambling of a mind on the brink of death

Improper sentence structure. 'as just unusual' should be 'just as unusual'. Also sight edit for improper word usage. It's rain(fall) down not reign. 'She made us question' not 'She made us questions'.

The only problem I had with this was that I was unsure if it was a dying man talking to himself in his own mind, or a companion finally getting to say what he felt.

Fanfiction.net

Republic Commando: Chain of Command
Mathen Nors

Republic Commando on Kashyyk: The team has a new assignment

Technical note: The term cyborg is short for cybernetic organism, a combination of living being and mechanical construct. So calling one a biological cyborg is redundant.

I was happy that we see some 'regular' troops rather than an all clone affair; quite honestly, while two million troops sounds big, on a planetary scale it's a drop in the bucket, and on a galactic scale, not even a milligram (One fiftieth of a drop). But a Battalion (A little over 600 men) is usually part of a larger force, so it's sixth bat of which regiment of which division? For that matter as well, of which planet?

The pacing is good, the battle scene well done. I only had time to read the first two segments, but it is worth reading further.

A Time To Die
PadawanMage

TSL on Malachor V: Cut scenes kills off just about everyone

The piece uses cutscenes, and after reading the piece, I knew why they were not used. As a man who was a Dungeon Master in the 70s, I can't see slaughtering off the entire party with no chance at all of at least injuring the enemy, even if I am the one rolling the dice and chortling over it. When a friend and I wrote a module for Dungeons and Dragons. We sent it in and while it was rejected, the one who answered our attempt told us 'we want scenarios where the players have to exert themselves, and only those who try their hardest will win'.

These cutscenes do not give them that option.

The Man
arutka2000

KOTOR on Kashyyk: Jolee considers his life

The piece is short, and with most authors I would say there isn't enough to tell.

I can't say that with this author. The scene is bleak and cold, and perfect.

Pick of the Week

Only the Strongest Jedi Dare To Love
InunotaishoandTheMikoSisters

TSL on Nar Shaddaa: The Exile and Mira?

Having the Exile and Mira falling in love is not listed, because you have both Visas and Brianna as options. This piece reminded me of my own scene when my Exile (Female) shows Mira the Force in the the same way, without the sexual connotations. If you want to see my read on this, go to Lucasforums> Threads Started By Machievelli> Page 2> Return From Exile> Page 3> posting #105

Pick Of The Week

The Tusken Prejudice
LCJA

KOTOR to the Clone Wars: Be careful what you say...

The piece is fun in that you consider the Tusken, and have trouble picturing them even dealing with the Republic, yet you have a Tusken Jedi leading his fellows against the Separatists.

There's a Wampa Ice Creature in my Fridge
DWH

KOTOR No specific period given: Let's not freeze!

The piece is fun to read. The problem aboard translated to the crew. A lot of fun here.

kotorfanmedia

Kreia Revisited (Second Draft)
Darth Ramsis

Reviewed twice in 2006, once October, again December. Those reviews below:

Posted 13 Oct 2006 on the Lucasforums Coruscant Entertainment The Critic's Two Cents and Starwarsknights.com The Critic returns

After the Final Battle in KOTORII, The Exile grieves for his enemy, Kreia.

Told in first person, with Kreia giving the reason for her part, the story is poignant.

I have mentioned before the writer Isaac Asimov, because of a quote. The enemy you face is not a villain in his own eyes;. This piece could just as easily be used an an explanation. Every step of Kreias' path was as logical as the path to the light would have been. Definitely worth the read.

Posted 15 Dec 2006 on the Lucasforums Coruscant Entertainment The Critic's Two Cents and Starwarsknights.com The Critic returns

At the end of KOTOR II: After the climactic battle, the exile discovers a holomessage from Traya.

The style is good, but the work needed some editing. The word usage was jarring, like a rock in a placid river. All in all a good piece.

Reprise pick of the Week

Dark Birthright
Darth Chris

Originally reviewed 19 January 2007. That review is below:

14 years after TSL: The son of Revan slides toward the dark side.

Some problems with word usage and dangling participles (was unlikely that his father would do.) but the mental byplay of the characters is interesting in it’s own right.

My biggest problem with the Star Wars game is the automatic ‘use this power and you’re evil’ attitude. Of course this is a common belief in every fictional genre. In the original Slayers series, Lena Inverse defined black magic as anything offensive, and white as anything that heals or helps.

How about an area of gray here?

Reprise Pick of the Week

Melting the Ice
Shara

TSL On Telos: A quite different meeting between Atris and the Exile

Remember to sight edit. You left out a word in a sentence; 'The Ebon Hawk was the only (Way) off this rock'. Also you used bare instead of bear, tarring instead of tearing, here instead of hear, wit instead of with, that kind of thing.

Atris is, to my mind, one of the unconsidered characters of the game. She is merely the Ice Princess who hates your guts, with no middle ground between what you once were and who you are now. In my own Return From Exile, I expanded the backstory to the extent that my Exile, a woman named Marai Devos, was worried that Stris was marriage minded toward her. In fact, I explained the bond other peoples would define as a marriage in a discussion with the Handmaiden on Onderon (Yeah, I used the mod because I loathe the Disciple) to explain that two women can join, be technically married, without getting into actual sexual contact. To view it go to; Lucasforums> Threads Started By Machievelli> Page 2> Return From Exile> Page 2> posting #80.

Pick of the Week

It's the Thought that Counts Trillian4210

Post TSL on Coruscant: The future looks brighter for this couple

This is one of the best Mira/Atton pairings I have seen. The setting is jarring, a fancy restaurant with Mira and Atton just sitting as they always had. The teasing byplay leading up to their exchange of gifts well portrayed.

Excellent work

Pick of the Week

Patterns of Betrayal and Redemption (II)
Bald As Malak

Pre TSL: The Exile's trial

Like most of BAM's work, the scenes are tightly written and well portrayed. The internal conversation can't be defined as a monologue, it's a chorus, and and angry one at that.

The council is no better. They are as blind as they claim the Exile is.

Poison
AnimeAngel

Pre TSL: Visas is captured by Nihilus

The piece went a bit too quickly for me. From the devastation to her accepting Nihilus' view of the galaxy